Angel of Death
by omalleyanatomy26
Summary: Reid and Morgan get hit by a drunk driver. Reid is pinned inside the car. The rest of the team arrives so they could be with Reid during his final hours. Character death. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**Stupid plot bunnies! :( I am sorry! I do plan on updating Remember Us and Escape and a few other of my fics! I have not forgotten them! And hey I do try and update my CM fics as much as I can! **

Morgan was the one who was driving. When he thought back to it to him he was responsible for killing Reid.

He just didn't see it coming. The semi that came out of no where, causing the car to roll down the hill and hit a tree. Morgan groaned as he opened his eyes. His head covered in blood. He wasn't worried about that, though. He was worried about Reid.

"Reid," he rasped. Reid's entire face was covered in blood. Glass had cut into his chest It looked like the kid's legs were stuck. Reid was also unconscious. He heard people running down the hill.

"The ambulence is on it's way, sir," said one man leaning into the window.

"Someone needs to help him," Morgan gasped and pointed at Reid. The man nodded.

"The paramedics will be here any minute."

Morgan wiped the blood away from his mouth.

"Reid? Reid!"

The next thing he knew he was being taken out by a paramedic.

"No!" He cried out as he fought the man at first. "Get him first! Get him...first."

"Sir we're doing everything we can to help him, but we need to help you too."

Morgan stood with shaking legs.

"I'm fine," he gasped. "I don't think anything's broken."

"They still need to check you out," one of the officers said grimly. "It'll go a lot faster if you don't fight it," he added. Morgan nodded as he watched the group of people leaning over Reid's side.

This wasn't good. The paremedics finally checked him out and bandaged his head as he answered the officers questions on what happened. Finally he raced back towards the car.

"What's wrong?" He said to the grim faced group. One of the officers sighed.

"We can't move him," he said softly.

"What do you mean we can't move him?" Morgan shouted with fear in his eyes.

"The glass..." One of the paramedics started to speak. "The glass has cut through the young man's entire chest. If we try and move we'll be cutting him in half."

Morgan felt sick. Unable to stop himself he bent over and hurled. A woman paramedic rushed to comfort him.

"You...this isn't right...you have to do something."

The officers were all solemn and pale at what was going on.

"He only has a short amount of time left...I'm so sorry,"the officer added. "We had called the rest of the BAU," he added.

Morgan shook his head.

"No...no, no, no...this isn't happening! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!" He bellowed.

"M...Morgan?" He heard Reid's voice faint in the distance.

"Don't scare him," one of the officers told Morgan. Morgan nodded as he walked over to the car. He knelt at the window and saw more clearly, the glass cutting at Reid's skin. He felt sick but held it in. Reid turned his bloody head.

"It's okay," he whispered. "Really.. I understand."

"We're gonna get you out of here, man," said Morgan, his voice shook as he squeezed Reid's hand. "We're gonna...we're gonna get you out of here."

"Don't lie...I'm not stupid I know the facts." Reid tried to keep his voice straight. "I know the situation and I'm okay...really...I'm not as scared as I thought I'd be."

Morgan bit his lip with tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Are...you in any pain?"

Reid shook his head.

"My body is in shock," he mumbled. Morgan nodded and gasped for breath.

"Good...that's good." He squeezed tighter. "The rest of the team's coming real soon, kid."

"Good. I want to say goodbye to them."

"DON'T say that Reid! You have to hang on, promise me you won't stop fighting. I'm so sorry I..."

Reid placed his other arm slowly on Morgan's shoulder.

"It's okay Morgan...It's not your fault..."

"I didn't say-"

"I know you too well. I know you're blaming yourself."

"It is my fault, if I reacted sooner..."

"It's not." Reid coughed and when he did blood appeared. "I know you better than you know yourself, Morgan. I know that you'll go on without me. You all well."

"I don't want to," Morgan sobbed. He couldn't believe this was happening. This was so quick, so sudden. Just like that they were losing Reid.

"I know you don't." The kid's voice was soft, and so brave. Whatever Reid thought Morgan knew better. He knew the kid was far from weak.

"I'm so sorry Reid," he continued to sob as he continued to hold Reid's hand as they waited for the team to arrive. As he waited for the Angel of Death to snatch Spencer Reid away from him.

Morgan wasn't as sure on surviving without the kid as he was. Reid was the heart of the team. Without him they'd be lost.

He did something then that he rarely did.

He prayed for a miracle. A miracle he knew deep down would never come.

**Is it pathetic that I was kind of teary eyed while writing this?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Even though I didn't get a lot of reviews for this story I still want to continue. **

The rest of the BAU arrived quickly. Morgan had to leave Reid momentarily.

"How bad is it?" Hotch asked. It was clear that JJ had been crying. Garcia's eyes were also puffy. Morgan stared at them.

"They...didn't tell you?"

"They just said there was a severe car accident with you and Reid," Rossi said grimly. Morgan nodded.

"They...They can't move him."

"What do you mean they can't move him?" Cried Emily suddenly. Morgan closed his eyes.

"Morgan?" Hotch asked softly.

They were stunned to see tears in the man's eyes.

"The...the glass is cutting through his chest. If they move him he'll be cut in half."

"_No,_" sobbed Garcia. Emily and JJ caught her as her knees started to buckle.

"They...They called you all so you could say goodbye to him," Morgan added grimly. That was when JJ started crying. Emily also had tears in her eyes while Hotch and Rossi stared at Morgan in dumbfounded shock.

"Is there...ANY way?" Hotch asked helplessly. Morgan shook his head.

"He...He only has a short amount of time left. He's draining fast. Rossi closed his eyes. Damn it, this wasn't happening! Not to Reid.

"He's pretty alert," Morgan told them. "Weak...but alert. I've been talking to him, keeping him company."

Garcai couldn't stop crying.

"If you want to say goodbye to him...you're going to do it soon," Morgan added with an apologetic tone in his voice.

"I...I can't go right now," gasped Garcia. "I have...to calm down..."

"It's okay Garcia," Hotch said suddenly, keeping his face soft. "I'll go first."

JJ hugged Garcia as they watched Hotch go to the turned over car.

Hotch knelt to the window and his face filled with pain when he saw the bleeding head of Reid's and the glass cutting at the skin. Blood had dripped onto the seat. Reid's face was covered in cuts from the rest of the glass

"Reid?" His voice was scared when he saw Reid's eyes were closed. Maybe they were too late...No, thankfully Reid opened his eyes.

"Hotch." He smiled when he saw his boss. "You came."

"Of course I did," said Hotch softly. "We couldn't let you go through this alone."

Reid nodded.

"Are you...in any pain?"

"No," Reid said and kept his voice soft.

"Good..that's good."

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything," Hotch said quickly and squeezed Reid's hand.

"Make sure my mom's taken care of..."

"Of course," Hotch answered softly. "I'll go over there as often as possible."

Reid nodded.

"It's...been an honor sir, having you for my boss," he whispered.

Water covered Hotch's eyes.

"The honor's been mine, Reid," he said softly. "Spencer..." He added. "Knowing someone like you...It's made my life better. You are such an amazing person, Reid. One of the best people I know, and one of the strongest."

Reid swallowed and blinked back tears.

"Thank you," he whispered. "For everything."

Hotch closed his eyes and nodded.

"I will never forget you Spencer Reid," he said softly. He felt a tap on his shoulder. It was JJ. He squeezed Reid's hand one last time. "Goodbye," he said so softly he was barely audible."

"Goodbye," Reid added, his voice filled with sadness.

It was only when he was away from the car when Hotch broke down and sobbed.

**Should I continue?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for the reviews!**

_"A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself." - Frank Crane_

JJ knelt at the window. She tried not to gasp at what she saw, how bloody and beat up Reid looked. Reid stared at her with watery eyes.

"Hey JJ," he said and her closed her throat.

"Hey Spence."

Spence. Reid had forgotten how much he liked hearing her call him that. It was her own little special nickname for him. She gave no one else a nickname and because of that he felt special.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. She looked at him, stunned.

"About what?"

"For not being able to be there, for when Henry grows up."

"Oh Spence..."JJ's voice cracked. "I'll make sure to tell him all about you." Tears spilled from her eyes. "Spencer I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

"I know, it's okay really." Reid grasped her hand and squeezed it.

"No it's not. It's not okay. It's cruel. And it's unfair! WHY does it have to be you?" She was sobbing now, really sobbing. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm going to miss you too," Reid said quietly. He let the tears fall from his cheeks. "You're strong, JJ. You'll survive."

She shook her head.

"I think the team's going to be lost without you,"she whispered. He shook his head.

"They're survivors. It might seem impossible but you will all survive this."

"How can you be so sure?"

Reid smiled.

"Because of your job. You all will keep on living so you can try and save as many lives as possible. After all, that's what you all were meant to do."

She nodded and bit her lip. Reid sounded so wise there. Wise, but so young at the same time. Was that even possible? She kissed his cheek then, ignoring the blood.

"I love you Spencer," she whispered. He swallowed.

"I love you you also, JJ," he said softly. "Knowing you...made my life a nicer place."

She slowly started sobbing some more. Rossi saw this and rushed towards her.

"It's okay, JJ, I'll take over."

JJ nodded and stole one last glance at Reid.

"Goodbye Spence," she whispered.

"Goodbye," he answered back in a hollow, barely audible voice.

It was Rossi's turn to kneel at the window.

"Hey kid."

"Hey David." This was getting a little bit easier, maybe because he was doing it so much. Or maybe because he was being filled with more shock than before.

Sadness etched in Rossi's eyes. This was unbelievable to him that someone as wonderful as Reid could be taken away so cruelly.

"Are you in...any pain?"

Reid shook his head.

"No."

Rossi nodded and blinked back tears.

"I'm so sorry, Reid."

"Me too..."Reid swallowed. "But it's okay...really."

"No it's NOT okay! With all this evil in this world...and now you getting taken away from us? It's more than unfair. It's cruel."

Reid sighed. He realized then that it hurt to sigh. He noticed the glass cutting at his skin and insides more.

"It's been an honor, working with someone like you, Rossi," he said softly.

"The honor's mine, getting to meet someone as brilliant as you...that has truly been a privlage, Reid."

Reid nodded. It pained Rossi but he could see Reid's face getting paler. He knew Reid was fading. The others needed their chance to say goodbye too. Even if it meant keeping his short.

"Goodbye, Spencer Reid. I will miss you more than you know."

"I'll miss you too," Reid whispered and Rossi winced when he coughed and blood appeared on his lips. Rossi stood up and walked over towards Garcia and Emily. "He doesn't have much time left," he said softly. Morgan closed his eyes, as did Hotch. A part of Morgan hoped he would get to see Reid again, before it was too late. He wasn't sure if that would be possible, though. JJ was still trying to calm Garcia down.

"I'll go," Emily said quietly and Garcia nodded.

_"Pull yourself together Penelope" _she whispered. She had to pull it together,so she could talk to Reid one last time. She'd hate herself if she didnt. WIth deep calming breaths she watched as Emily walked to the car.

They all stood there, waiting for the enevitable fate that was tossed at them.

Waiting for when Spencer Reid would truly leave them...forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews!**

Emily took a deep breath before kneeling next to the window.

"Hey Reid," she whispered. Thoughts of his kidnapping entered her head and how worried everyone was of getting Reid back alive. They were only to get him back so he could die a few years later. This seemed so unfair to her.

"Hey Emily." She could tell he was trying to be brave. To be brave for all of them. She noticed how pale he looked.

"It doesn't hurt, does it?"

"No," he whispered. "It doesn't hurt at all."

She nodded as she tried to think of somethign to say. She was never very good at this kind of stuff. At saying goodbye.

"I...I want you to know that whatever teasing we might have done it wasn't meant to be cruel," she suddenly felt she had to to say.

He smiled.

"I know that," he assured her. "I know the difference between friendly teasing and the teasing to be cruel. Believe me, I know the difference very well."

She nodded.

"Good, I just wanted to make sure because all of you are a family to me. I just...I can't imagine going into that office and not seeing you there."

Tears rolled down her eyes.

"You're stronger than you think," he said quietly. "You'll move on from this. I know you will."

"How can you be so sure?" She asked as the tears fell harder.

"I'm a genius, that's how."

She gave a soft laugh, amazed even in the face of death Reid was still able to smile and crack jokes.

She looked into his sad eyes.

"You're so brave," she whispered. "You're far from weak Spencer. You have to know that. You're...incredibly brave and strong and kind...and...it's been an honor working with you...just knowing you...I've been amazed at your brilliance but more so at your heart."

Tears appeared in Reid's eyes.

"Knowing you has also been an honor," he said softly. "I wish there were more women like you, kind, gentle, and brave, not afraid to fight for what's right. You have to know how much I respect you as a person...and as an Agent...and...as a friend."

She broke down crying and nodded.

"Thank you," she whispered. She saw Garcia heading towards them. "Goodbye Spencer," she said quietly. He blinked back tears.

"Goodbye, Emily."

Garcia took the place of Emily after hugging her.

"Hey Reid."

"What? No witty comments for me Garcia?" He teased..She shook her head.

"No...I can't...not now."

He tried to nod but it hurt too much.

Her eyes watered.

"I'm scared," she said. He looked surprised.

"At what?"

"Of losing you...oh Reid honey what are we going to do without you? I don't know if you realize how important you are to us...to all of us."

Reid blinked back tears.

"I'm going to miss you," she added with a tremble in her voice.

"And me you...You...you made this line of work better...more cheerful."

She sniffed.

"It's the least I can do. You guys...see so much dark...so much evil."

"You're amazing Garcia," he felt the need to say. "You have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know."

She squeezed his hand.

"No baby that's where you're wrong. You have one of the biggest hearts out there I'm going to miss that heart so much." She kissed his hand. "I love you Reid, you have to know that."

"I love you too, Penelope." His voice was filled with sadness and a type of distance she couldn't explain.

"Garcia?" His voice sounded funny.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Do you think...do you believe in heaven?"

The question startled her.

"Yes I do."

"Do you think...even after the drugs...that I'd have a shot there?"

She gasped at him questioning whether or not he'd get to go.

"Oh honey,I'm sure you'll be at the very front of that line."

He nodded.

"It'll be okay then...I guess...If I get to go there."

"You'll go there," she promised.

"Thank you Garcia." It was his turn to squeeze her hand again. "For everything."

"Thank you Spencer Reid...for me getting to meet someone like you."

He coughed, and blood trickled down his lip. He had little time left and he knew it.

"I'd...I'd like to see Morgan again...if you don't mind."

She shook her head, fighting back tears.

"Goodbye Spencer,"She whispered, her voice cracked.

"Goodbye Garcia," he answered, also in a whisper. She walked away, her hands shaking as she told Morgan Reid wanted to see him. JJ and Emily comforted her as she broke into sobs. Hotch was busy trying to collect himself and Rossi was busy trying not to lose it.

Morgan knelt once more to face his best friend.

"Hey kid."

"Hey Morgan." He said it so simply, as if this wasn't the last time they'd talk with each other.

"I want you to know Morgan," Reid said in a serious voice. "That it WASN'T your fault...this accident."

How did the kid know he was blaming himself?

"No but it is..."

"It's NOT and please...please let yourself believe that...for me if not yourself. I don't want to...die thinking you blame yourself."

"All right...I...don't blame myself," he sighed. He just wished he could believe it. Reid knew he was only really saying that for him and didn't truly believe it but accepted it.

"Thanks. And...thank you for everything else."

"For what?"

"For being my best friend. My only best friend and for being my first real friend."

Tears fell down Morgan's cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Reid', I'm going to miss you so much."

"It's okay really," said Reid. "I'm okay with it...and guess what?"

"What?"

"I think I might actually get to go to heaven. Do you think that'd be nice?"

Unable to talk Morgan just nodded. Reid nodded too.

"I think that'd be nice...and peaceful." He grasped Morgan's hand. "Please stay with me."

"What?" Morgan looked surprised.

"I...I don't want to die alone."

"You won't," he assured him suddenly. "I'll make sure of that."

"Good."

Reid relaxed and Morgan saw an almost peaceful smile on his face.

"Are you afraid?" Morgan suddenly whispered.

"That's the funny thing, I'm not." Reid smiled at him, "I'm not afraid at all."

More tears spilled. Reid knew he barely had any time left. He had to say two last words, though.

"Goodbye, Morgan."

Morgan bit his lip.

"Goodbye, Reid."

With that he felt Reid's hand go limp in his own hand and just like that Dr. Spencer Reid died.

**Wow I'm kind of crying after writing that. Is that weird?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh wow guys you have ovewhelmed me with your reviews! THANK you so much! They mean a LOT to me! **

Garcia couldn't bare watch as they took Reid apart to place him on a stretcher and than in a body bag.

_I hate those things so much _she thought as she saw them getting one out. She noticed how lifeless Morgan was and offered him to spend the night at her place.

"Thanks, Garcia, sugar, but I want to be alone right now." His shoulders had sagged, and his face looked crestfallen.

"Please? I don't...want to be alone now." She was begging with her voice and her eyes. He couldn't say no to her but also knew she was doing it for him. So she could watch out for him in her own way. Slowly he nodded.

"All right."

After already losing it once Hotch was desperate to remain stable and composed. He couldnt' afford to lose it again.

"I have..to see how Jack's doing," he told Rossi. He had to see something good after seeing something so awful. He had to see something pure, to remind him why life was worth living.

Rossi nodded. He looked over at JJ who was crying softly into Emily's arm. Will had arrived and was slowly JJ into the car. He could tell Emily could use some comfort. He walked up to her.

"Are you..." He stopped because he was going to ask if she was all right and realized what a stupid question that was. He sighed, he had to get out of here. Out of this place that seemed surrounded with death and tragedy. He could tell Emily did too.

"Do you...want to go home?" He asked her. She looked at him with her tearstricken face.

"Not really." She seemed so lost, they all did. He nodded, determination sinking in.

"Let's get the hell out of here."

Confused, and still lost, Emily followed.

Morgan, while he was barely holding it together, insisted on driving. Garcia was in no shape to drive.

He glanced over at her and his heart sank when he realized how much grief she was carrying, what a burden it was for her. For all of them. He could tell it was killing her, though, killing both of them. Maybe all of them.

They arrived at her apartment.

"I'll sleep on the couch," he said quietly. Garcia nodded, almost lifelessly. She was glad he was there, though. She could tell behind the brave front he was putting on was a wrecked and broken man. He kissed her on the forehead. "Let's...get this day over with and try and get some sleep."

Another nod. He could understand why she couldn't speak. It was draining all of his energy to speak at all.

He laid down on the couch and closed his eyes, but opened them quickly. He was seeing Reid's face. Reid's bloody and dead face. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep that night. He turned on the tv and lowered the volumne .He wasn't really watching, but it was better than the silence. He lowered it even more when he heard sobbing from Garcia's room.

"Garcia? Babygirl?" Quietly he stepped into her room and saw her whole body was convulsed, sobbing harder than he had ever seen her sob. "Oh babygirl," he sighed, forgetting his own grief momentarily.

"I'm...I'm so sorry M...Morgan," she sobbed. "I wanted you here so I could make sure...you were okay. I didn't mean for you to...look after me."

"It's okay," Morgan said softly as he laid next to Garcia and hugged her.

"He's gone Morgan," she sobbed. "He's...he's really gone."

"Yes," he said and his voice cracked when he spoke. "He really is." And he held her during the entire night, listening to her sob as his own silent tears fell down his cheeks as they both waited and dreaded for morning to come, the first day without Dr. Reid being in it.

* * *

Rossi held up his glass.

"To Dr. Spencer Reid," he said in a half drunk tone.

Emily nodded.

"To Spencer." They both drank in one gulp.

"I remember when I first met him," Rossi said with a chuckle. "How he could quote an entire page from my book."

Emily smiled at that.

"When I met him...well after I met him things got...really complicated," she said quietly. He frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"You know that Reid was kidnapped right?" He nodded.

"I read something about that, yes."

She nodded.

"I wasn't with the team for very long when that happened...it shook us all up, nearly losing him that night. And he was messed up a long time after. No one said anything but we all suspected that he was fighting drug addiction, because they were forced in him against his will...but we couldn't say anything about suspecting it because we'd have been-"

"Obligated to report it," Rossi said with a nod. He was fully aware of the FBI'S firm no drug rule.

"It just feels like none of that mattered now," sighed Emily as she poured another shot. "He survives _that _night just to not..." She couldn't finish the words but Rossi knew what she was saying. "It's just not fair..."

"It's not fair...it's cruel...it makes me wonder...if any of this matters if people like Reid can still...if stuff like that can still happen to people like him." Rossi shook his head. "It's not fair, not at all."

Emily nodded in complete agreement.

"No it's not," she whispered. They raised their glasses once more and clinked them in salute of Spencer Reid.

They wondered if things would ever make sense again.

* * *

Jessica opened the door.

"Aaron!" She gasped. "What...happened?"

Hotch struggled to remain composed as he entered his house.

"Reid...he didn't surive the accident."

"Oh my God..."Jessica placed her hand to her mouth. "Oh Aaron I'm so sorry."

He nodded as she hugged him tightly and slowly returned the hug.

"Please...is Jack...is he sleeping?"

"No, he's playing upstairs, would you like to...tuck him in tonight?"

Hotch nodded, grateful. She seemed to sense his need and longing to see Jack.

He slowly walked to the door and saw his son playing with his trucks in his PJ'S.

"Hey Jacko."

Jack looked up with a bright and surprised smile.

"Daddy!" He rushed up to Hotch who wrapped Jack up in the tighest hug he's ever given him. He just held him for several minutes. He didn't want to let go.

"You want me to tuck you into bed?"

Jack nodded eagerly. Hotch forced his face to remain calm and happy as he smiled and helped Jack climb into bed while tucking a blanket around him.

"Will you read to me daddy?"

Jack sounded so hopefuly Hotch couldn't say no, even though he was a mess inside.

"Sure thing, kiddo." He picked up a Roald Dahl book and sat on Jack's bed and placed his arm around Jack. He noticed Jessica was watching in the doorway and gave a sad smile to her. He blinked back tears as he opened the book.

"Daddy?"

"Yes son?"

"Why are you crying?"

So Jack noticed.

Hotch froze, how was he supposed to answer this?'

"Well something very sad happened tonight that upset your daddy very much."

"Like what?"

He regretted saying those words. Jack sounded so concerned now.

"Don't worry about it Jacko, daddy's dealing with it."

Jack looked at him with sad eyes.

"Is it sad like what happened to mommy sad?"

Jessica placed her hand to her mouth and Hotch swallowed. He couldn't lie to his son.

"Yes," he said softly. "It is."

Jack's whole demeanor changed and suddenly hugged Hotch. Hotch looked surprised.

"What was that for?"

"For you...I'm sorry that your sad." Hotch nearly broke down right than and there as he hugged back.

"Have I told you that you're the best son iin the whole wide world?" He asked.

Jack smiled shyly at that.

"It's true," Hotch added. "And don't let anyone tell you any different." He kissed Jack's forehead. "All right, let's read this book."

Jack snuggled closer and Jessica listened and Hotch read outloud, trying to concentrate on what he was reading and not on the fact that he would never see Reid again. Slowly he was able to push those thoughts out of his head for the moment and focus on his son. He held Jack for a few minutes after he fell asleep and kissed him again on the forehead before tucking him into bed.

"Goodnight, son," he whispered. "I love you." He walked away and closed the door. He told Jessica he had needed some time alone as he headed to his bedroom and only when he shut the door did he allow himself to really cry again.

**I hope this chapter was somewhat decent!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviews guys! Really they mean a LOT! I'm really invested into this story right now but I haven't forgotten the others!**

The next day most of them still went to the office. JJ however had been unable to get out of bed. Hotch told Will that she didn't have to come back to work until she was able to. He made sure this was clear to everyone else also,l but at the moment for them work was better than being alone in their thoughts.

Morgan knocked on Hotch's door.

"You wanted to see me?" He asked. Hotch looked up, his face calm and composed.

"Yes, I did." Morgan sat, unsure of what to expect. After what happened he would never know what to expect.

"I'm going to fly down to Las Vegas for the week," Hotch told him. "Leaving you temporarily in charge while I'm gone."

Morgan frowned.

"Las...Vegas?" That threw him for a loop.

"Yes, someone is going to have to tell Mrs. Reid her son is dead, and his father has to be contacted about it too. Since I was Reid's boss I should do it."

"What? You're going to do this alone?" Shock filled Morgan's voice.

"Yes," Hotch said simply. "As his boss I failed to keep him safe. It's my fault-"

"It's NOT your fault!" Morgan cried out suddenly. "It's not like he died in the line of duty, Hotch! I was the one driving the car when the other driver hit us! If it's ANYONE'S fault, it's mine!"

Hotch looked stunned.

"It's not your fault, Morgan..."

Morgan wasn't finished, though.

"If I had reacted sooner, reacted just a few seconds faster Reid would still be with us. I know he would. He'd be down there at his desk working." Tears threatened to escape. "And I have to live with that, but this is NOT your fault. If anyone should tell Mrs. Reid her son is dead, it should be me."

Hotch sat there, momentarily stunned by this bottled up outburst.

"You're not gonig to be be the one to tell his mother," Hotch finally said firmly.

"You're sure as hell not going to go alone," Morgan shot back, equally stubborn. Hotch sighed.

"Who would run the place?" He asked, knowing it was pointless to fight when Morgan was like this.

"Rossi," Morgan said simply. Hotch was surprised he didn't think of him. He nodded.

"Very well. I will talk to him, but you really don't have to do this, Morgan."

"Yes I do. I have to face her myself, otherwise I don't think I could look in the mirror again."

Hotch nodded, understanding etched in his eyes.

"I'll be booking a flight later this morning. I suggest you do the same."

Morgan nodded and stood up.

"If that's all...sir..?"

"Yes it is," Hotch said with a nod as he looked down at the papers in front of him. He looked up again as Morgan started to leave.

"And Morgan?"

Morgan turned.

"Thank you."

Morgan slowly nodded and Hotch spoke up again.

"And...it's not your fault."

Morgan blinked back tears.

"It's going to be a while before I can believe that...but thank you also."

They looked at each other with deep understanding of the other person before Morgan left the office, feeling slightly overwhelmed. Emily noticed Morgan coming out of the office.

"Hey," she said as she came up to him.

"Hey," he said softly. She shifted uncomfortably.

"Do you...want to talk?"

He sighed, knowing what she was trying to do. Get him to open up about what he was feeling. The fact was his feelings were so jumbled up and confusing that it was complicated. He didn't know what he was feeling anymore.

"Look Emily, I get what you're trying to do and I appreciate it, really, but I really can't talk to anyone right now. I have to deal with this...alone."

Emily nodded.

"All right," she said softly. "But if you need anyone..."

"I'll know you to contact." He squeezed her hand. "Thank you," he said for the second time.

It was getting harder for him to focus, harder for him to breathe. Quickly he rushed back to his office, closed and locked the door as well as closed the shades. As he sat on his chair he let the grief that had been choking him come out in silent tears. He stared at a picture of him and Reid on his desk.

"I'm so sorry Reid," he sobbed. "I know you told me it wasn't my fault but it IS! If I just had reacted differently you'd still be alive...and for that I'm sorry."

Emily stood there and closed her eyes in pain as she listened to Morgan slowly sob, knowing better than to disturb him. She walked away slowly wondering if they would ever be the same again.

**This chapter is shorter than the others but I hope it's okay! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews! They mean a lot to me :)**

The flight was agonizing, but their destination was worse. There was a pit in Hotch's stomach as he dreaded telling Mrs. Reid the awful news.

A part of him was still in denial. Reid couldn't be dead, could he? Maybe this was all a big mistake.

Finally they arrived.

"Remember," Hotch told Morgan. "I'm telling her."

Morgan slowly nodded.

They entered the hospital.

"We're here to see Mrs. Reid," said Hotch as he held out his badge to her doctor. He stared at them.

"Where's Spencer? He's supposed to be visiting Diana later this week."

Something caught in Morgan's throat.

Hotch took a deep breath.

"I regret to inform you, but Spencer Reid has passed away."

The doctor, Dr. Welks, gasped and his eyes watered with tears.

"H...How?"

"Car accident," said Hotch quietly but formally.

Morgan was about to confess it was he who was driving but couldn't. Dr. Welks nodded, his body shaking.

"Shame...tragic...so tragic. A brilliant young man, and one of the nicest I have ever met."

Morgan could barely swallow.

"We'd like to tell his mother," Hotch said softly. Dr. Welks nodded solemnly.

"Of course. She's...over in the corner."

Hotch and Morgan slowly walked over towards her, along with the doctor.

"Mrs. Reid?" Hotch asked gently. Diana turned and her heart sank when she saw them. A mother's intuation sparked in her. She wanted them to leave.

"No!" She hissed darkly. The three looked at each other.

"Mrs. Reid it's with my deepest regrets to inform you-"

"NO!" She screamed again. Deep down she knew why they were here. She didn't want to hear it though. Morgan winced at the pain in her voice. "GET OUT! GET OUT! LEAVE!"

"Diana!" Dr. Welks begged. "Please!"

Hotch had to get it out.

"I regret to inform you that your son is dead..."

"NO!" She sceamed the last word and tears started to roll down Morgan's face.

"Mrs. Reid," he said. Hotch tried to stop him but he had to say it. He stepped forward. "I was the one driving when your son...was killed...it's my fault..."

"KILLER!" She shrieked at him. "Murderer!" She flung herself towards Morgan and several orderlies had to restrain her. Morgan stood there in shock, as did Hotch, as she tried to claw herself towards him, screaming words like babykiller, causing him to constantly flinch. Welks finally had to sedate her. They watched as she was carried off to her room.

"I'm sorry she said those things to you," Welks told Morgan. Morgan stared at him.

"Why? They're true."

"Morgan, you shouldn't have told her that!" Hotch was angry, really angry. "She didn't need to know..."

"I couldn't keep it in, Hotch! I couldn't bare to look at her and NOT tell her! She deserves to know the truth!" Fury rose in Morgan. Fury like he never felt before. "She deserves to know her son's best friend is a killer!"

With that he stormed out of the building. Hotch rubbed his forehead. It was clear that Morgan especially would take a long long time to heal from this. Perhaps he'd never heal. Hotch wasn't sure if he would either. If any of them would.

Morgan fought the tears as he stood outside. He didn't deserve to grieve. He didn't deserve to cry, not when it was his fault Reid wasn't there.

_It's not your fault._

He sucked in his breath as he heard Reid's voice in his head.

"Go away, Reid."

_Not your fault._

"GO AWAY!"

_I don't blame you._

"PLEASE!" Morgan sounded urgent now, desperatly fighting to keep that voice away from him. Where the hell was it coming from?

_I forgive you_

"DON'T SAY THAT! I don't deserve it." Morgan was really crying now.

_Please...forgive yourself...for me_

"I can't," he wept as his knees buckled and he knelt on the pavement. He wondered if he was going crazy but he didn't give a damn about that now. Hotch came outside to see how Morgan was and saw him doubled over, convusled in sobs.

He rushed towards Morgan and unable to do anything else he just put his arm around his friend and let Morgan release his tears until there was nothing left.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the reviews! Really, they mean a lot!**

JJ had finally gotten out of bed and was able to care for Henry. She had slowly started to be able to do day to day routine stuff, if she stopped thinking about Reid. When she would that was when she would turn back into a zombie. Will stayed with her constantly, in fear of her depression getting worse. It was really her family that helped her even get out of bed.

She was more thankful for them than ever before.

After the trip Morgan had retired to his apartment. He wouldn't get up for anyone, not even Garcia. She spoke to Hotch about it after a week of it happening.

"I'm really worried about him," she told Hotch. "He's not responding...And Reid's...funeral-"she hated saying that word "Is in a few days...He'll hate himself if he misses it."

"I'll see what I can do, Garcia," sighed Hotch as he rubbed his forehead. He tried to ignore his own pesronal hell.

He knocked on Morgan's door.

"Morgan? This is Hotch...I'm coming in even if you don't answer." Silence. "Morgan! We're worried about you...all of us."

Silence. Real worry filled Hotch.

They had just lost Reid, they COULDN'T lose Morgan too.

He kicked open the door. The room was a mess, filled with pizza boxes and beer bottles. Papers scattered everywhere as well. He shook his head. They were going through hell with Reid's death but it was clear Morgan had taken it worse than anyone else.

He pushed open Morgan's door. Morgan was sitting on the corner of the bed with a bottle in his hand while staring at the window. His sweater had beerstains and pizza stains on it, so did his sweats. He clearly hadn't showered in days.

"Morgan?"

"Go away Hotch."

"Morgan, we're all worried about you."

"DON'T!" Morgan glared at him and Hotch was stunned to see, despite the anger in them how lifeless his eyes seemed.

"Morgan..."Hotch placed his hand over his mouth. He wanted to help his friend, but he didn't know how. "Morgan, you...you need help."

Morgan shook his head.

"Don't need nobody," he slurred into his bottle. "Don't want nobody. Well I want Reid...but can't have him."

Hotch sat down on the unmade bed.

"Please Morgan...please get help, for Reid."

"WHY? Why should I do that for Reid?"

"Because that's what he would have wanted! He wouldn't want you to ruin your life!"

"Well he's not here to tell me that! And want to know why? BECAUSE I KILLED HIM!"

Hotch was stunned by Morgan's outburst.

"You didn't kill him, Derek!"

"YES I DID! DON'T SAY ANY DIFFERENT TO TRY AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!" Morgan suddenly roared. "I don't deserve comfort!"

Hotch went over to place his hand on Morgan's shoulder.

"Get your hand off of me!" Morgan growled deeply. "Like I said, Hotch, I don't deserve comfort."

"It's not your fault," Hotch said firmly. "It's not your fault."

"STOP saying that!" Morgan's voice rose to a dangerous level.

"It's not your fault."

"GET YOUR HAND OFF OF ME!"

"Morgan you have to believe me when I say-"

"STOP IT!" Morgan bellowed with such rage that Hotch never heard from him. Unable to stop himself Morgan rose his arm and swung at Hotch, hitting him directly in the face.

Hotch's whole body jerked backwards and both sat there in stunned silence as Hotch placed his hand to his nose and felt blood. Morgan couldn't stop staring at him in horrified shock,the knot in his stomach getting worse. He tried to speak, but couldn't.

"I guess I'll leave now," Hotch said sowly as he stood up.

"Hotch..."

"Please, you need help Morgan. Get it."

Morgan slowly nodded.

"Hotch...I...I didn't mean to..."

Hotch sighed.

"I know," he said with surprising softness. "I know you didn't but please you need to talk to someone about this. You can't handle this alone."

Morgan nodded and blinked back tears.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Hotch assured him and as he left Morgan, furious with himself, threw a bottle against the wall and listened to the glass shatter as he wondered if he would ever be the same again.

And if he would stop feeling angry all the sincerly doubted it, though.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for the reviews!**

Morgan had gotten worse, a lot worse. So much to the point that it terrified all of them.

Hotch sighed as they had talked about Morgan. They were all greiving and still trying to prepare for the funeral that was a only a few days away.

"Morgan CAN'T miss Reid's funeral!" Garcia cried desperatly. "He'll hate himself if he does!" Rossi handed her a kleenex.

"You can't be serious," Emily added at the suggestion Hotch gave.

"I don't like putting him in a hospital anymore than you do, Emily," said Hotch. "But...his depression has reached an unhealthy level. He needs help. Medication and he won't take anything..." Hotch sighed as he shook his head.

"I'm not going to lose him too. I'm going to call my friend who's a therapist and see what he suggests, if he thinks a hospital is a good idea."

"You're gonna have a hell of a time convincing him to go to some hospital," Rossi said.

Hotch saw the looks the others were giving him.

"Do you think I want to do this?" He shouted. "Do you remember that he tried to kill himself the other day?"

_Garcia had walked in on Morgan slitting his wrists. She had yanked the knife away and had screamed at him until she was hoarse. _

_"How could you do this to me?" She sreamed at him. "To us? We already lost Reid! WE CAN'T LOSE YOU TOO!"_

_"Please," he sobbed in a tone she didn't recoginze. "Please...just let me go to hell...it's where I deserve to go." _

_They decided not to let the cops know what he had done, or Strauss...it could ruin his career. But that made them fearful to leave him alone for even a moment. Someone stayed with him at all times, no matter how much he protested. They also made sure he didn't drink to much. It pained them all to see what Morgan had become after Reid's death. _

Hotch thought about how sending Morgan to a hospital would look to Strauss. She knew that Morgan dealt with Reid's death the hardest so she

shouldn't suspect anything.

The others looked at each other as they each revisited that day that they almost lost Morgan too.

"You're right," sighed JJ. "It probably is for a best." She saw the pained look on Garcia's face and squeezed her hand. "He needs help Penelope. More than we can give him."

Sne nodded and her body convulsed into sobs.

"I just feel like I'm betraying him," she sobbed.

"You're not, you're helping him,"Rossi comforted her. Emily had remained quiet during the conversation. A part of her was still in shock that Reid was dead and at what was happening to Morgan.

But she knew Hotch was right. Morgan needed help.

"I suggest when we move him," she said quietly. "That we sedate him." They looked at her. "So he wouldn't put up a fight," she explained and Hotch nodded.

"Smart idea." He slowly stood up. "Let me make a few calls first and we'll go from there." He stared at all of them. "I know this last week has been a living pesronal hell for all of us and I'm sorry it's only gotten worse...I'm just trying to fix it the best way I know how, and I hope you don't hate me forever for it."

"We don't hate you," Garcia said quickly as she reached over to hug him. He was rather startled by this but allowed her to do so. "We don't hate you," she reapted into his ear.

"Thank you," he said softly.

"I'm going to call Will," JJ said. "And see how Morgan is." Because of the rule that someone constantly had to be there for Morgan Will volunteered to watch him while they had a meeting. Hotch nodded.

He watched as the team departed and closed his eyes and sighed as he wondered if he was doing the right thing...or making it worse.

**This is short, I know! But at least it was an update and I hope you like it! And again I'm really sorry for it being so short! I've decided that Morgan's going to be in a very dark and depressing place during this fic and don't worry, I will write the funeral soon! **


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